


On a Balcony Somewhere in Urithiru

by she_is_rysn



Series: They Also Loved Each Other (Secret Urithiru Subplot) [1]
Category: Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: Canon Divergence, F/M, Infidelity (this tag bugs me but technically yeah), Making Out, Oathbringer, Oathbringer spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-03-30 23:45:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13962666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/she_is_rysn/pseuds/she_is_rysn
Summary: Shallan and Kaladin discover a new property of Stormlight, also that they love each other.All parts take place inside Part 2 of Oathbringer, concurrent with events in the book.





	1. All a Kind of Lashing

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, thanks for coming by for a read! This is my first fic! 
> 
> No inappropriate content, but there's a bunch of making out/romo stuff, so if that's not your bag, probably skip this one.
> 
> Comments, constructive feedback, Cosmere fact-checks welcome.

Shallan floated, suspended in the air.

Below her, Kaladin stood, face upturned below her dangling toes. 

"Brightness!" he called, reaching up and taking hold of her left boot, "I think this technically counts as mine!"

"From the odor, it probably is!" Shallan called back, looking bashfully at the sky. From where Kaladin was standing, she knew he could see right under her havah, and while she wasn't sure if the Stormlight trailing off her skin gave him a better look, she guessed that it did. For a brief moment, she considered Lightweaving herself some pants for modesty, but honestly why would she? What was at all modest about a secret meeting with not-her-fiance in the middle of the night? 

Pattern hummed from the bodice of her havah. He seemed puzzled.

“Shallan,” he wondered, “I think you and the captain are meeting here so you can put your bodies close together. Yet he has put you very high above him, instead of closer, and this seems acceptable to you both. Why?”

Kaladin gently unlaced her boot, pulling it from her foot and waving it aloft. "Now we're even!" Where was the stormcloud that always followed this man around? Where were the begrudging grunts of acknowledgment, the clumsy and embarrassed attempts at a pun? It seemed almost like he was trying an impression of Adolin, with these easy smiles and playful jokes. Adolin. Adolin. Adolin could never know about this. Could he?

Shallan became flustered, her heart racing. She glanced down to notice anticipationspren gathering around Kaladin, crimson streamers rising from the ground. Shallan wondered if she could even attract those spren from way up here, or if possibly some of the spren appearing had actually been drawn by her, unable to float up to where she was. It could be an interesting study, determining whether ground-based emotionspren could be attracted mid-air. Maybe the bridgemen would consent to--

“Shallan?” Pattern asked again. “Did you note my inquiry?”

Startled, Shallan shook her head abruptly. Was she really planning a research project while floating in mid-air during a midnight tryst with a Knight Radiant? Really? 

She felt Kaladin untying her other boot, sliding it gently off her foot and dropping it to the ground. Ever so slowly, he began to rise up in the air to meet her. Shallan knew it was all a kind of Lashing, but it seemed to possess endless permutations that came as easily to him as breathing. As he rose, his fingers trailed along the seams of her havah.

“Ah, he is closing the distance between you,” Pattern observed, seeming satisfied. “This must be a human ritual. Fascinating.”

As Shallan watched Kaladin creep up in the air towards her, she had a thought.

*****

Kaladin looked up at the two pale legs dangling above him. It was hard to believe that, after just a few days back in Urithiru, he had ended up in this secluded spot, lit by the glow of Shallan Davar. Barely a day after he returned she had slipped him a map, torn from her sketchpad. It depicted one of the many sections of Urithiru not yet in use, leading a ways off Sebarial’s holdings where Shallan lived. Just as she’d done in the Shattered Plains, the twists and turns were depicted in perfect proportion, identifying patterns in the strata noted along the way. At the balcony where they were to meet, she’d drawn a picture of Nomon, which now shone overhead. 

Syl seemed satisfied, obviously giving herself a great deal of credit for the situation he found himself in now. 

“You made her look like me,” she said, gesturing with her chin towards the blue-white aura of Shallan’s body hovering a foot above his head. “I’m choosing not to pursue that line of thought.”

Kaladin couldn't say why he had Lashed Shallan to the middle of the air - maybe to give himself a minute to think, maybe he hoped it would give her a thrill to float weightlessly, maybe he craved the sight of her glowing in the clear, cold night. But the minute he’d stepped onto the balcony and seen her waiting there, before she could say anything clever and before he could say anything stupid, he'd sent her up, Syl zipping around her skirts like a windspren.

He wondered if he should have asked first if that was something she'd want to do, but the minute Shallan's feet left the ground she let out a yelp, then a whoop, then almost a cackle of joy as the Lashing carried her higher and higher, finally subsiding as he reached up and touched her heel, adding a tiny Lashing down to keep her suspended. Kaladin half expected himself to judge that joy, but he felt nothing but affection, a deep and warm sensation that left him feeling hungry and thirsty and awake. He remembered this feeling but couldn't place it. It was different than Stormlight, and older. 

Kaladin let her second shoe fall to the ground, grateful for the stupid joke about boots that would surely follow them to their graves, then Lashed himself ever so slightly upward. Stormlight and blood surging for equal purchase in his veins, he watched her body pass like floors on Urithiru’s lift - ankles, skirts, bodice, collarbone...

Rock's face.


	2. You Will Apology With Boots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soon, she realized, she would have to drop the Lightweaving and the laughter and look into the storming man's eyes. And then the trouble would really start.

Kaladin shouted in surprise, then glared at Shallan through the Lightweaving she'd done of the Horneater cook's face. He looked more like himself now, all brooding and accusatory. Despite his surprise, he barely wobbled midair, steady as if he was standing on the ground.

"I DEMANDING APOLOGY" Shallan tried in the terrible Horneater accent she'd put on the day they met. "YOU WILL APOLOGY WITH BOOTS."

"Oh, come on!" Kaladin shouted, seeming genuinely offended. Shallan struggled to get control of her laughter, her knees curling weightlessly into her chest in fits of guffaws until she tucked into a roll, spinning on some imaginary axis at her navel. Without any ground to fall on, she realized with delight that she'd just keep spinning until she was right side up again. 

Kaladin’s reaction had been funny, but she was laughing too hard, and though the bridgeman was fun - and far too easy - to tease, a part of Shallan recognized that she was stalling. Stalling what though? Pattern hummed on her skirts, sensing the lie. Soon, she realized, she would have to drop the Lightweaving and the laughter and look into the storming man's eyes. And then the trouble would really start.

*****  
Kaladin let out a sigh of frustration as Shallan, doubled over by the borderline-offensive Horneater accent that was clearly meant to be funny, tumbled into a flip. Beside him, Syl was gasping for breath too, doing her best impression of someone who needed to breathe. 

“You should - you should’ve seen your face!” Syl wheezed, somehow managing to squeeze tears from her eyes. Shallan’s spren even seemed to do its version of laughter, a disconcerting buzz. 

“Is this all a joke?” He demanded of any of them. He was starting to wonder whether this really was some sort of trick, but it couldn’t be. His own spren wouldn’t plot against him - maybe couldn’t - and though he knew Shallan loved to joke at his expense, a prank like this would be cruel, even by her standards. This must be something else. But why did it always seem like there was a joke he wasn’t in on? Quickly, he Lashed himself backwards in order to dodge her feet as they drifted by.

By the time Shallan flipped back around to face him, she’d dismissed the Lightweaving and he could see her face. Her cheeks were wet with tears from laughter and her face flushed red from being upside down. Storming woman. 

“That was fun!” Shallan said, taking a moment to wipe away the tears. She seemed to be avoiding his gaze for some reason. “We should really look into gymnastic applications for these Lashings, could be great exercise.” 

“Sure, we’ll squeeze in tumbling after spear practice,” Kaladin deadpanned. What were they even talking about? She had invited him out in the middle of the night to make jokes? What was happening? And what did he want to happen that wasn’t?

“Kiss her,” urged Syl. Kaladin glanced toward where she hovered, just above Shallan’s shoulder. 

“Is your spren talking to you too?” asked Shallan, turning to where he was looking, though she knew she wouldn’t see Syl floating there. 

Kaladin nodded. “What’s yours say?”

*****

Kaladin Stormblessed had his arms crossed, black hair tumbling over the brands on his forehead, jaw set petulantly. Apparently he hadn’t enjoyed Shallan’s illusion as much as she had, though it seemed like maybe his spren found it funny. 

“Pattern thinks we’re doing some kind of ritual," Shallan admitted. "He finds it fascinating. You?”

Kaladin inclined his head, as if searching in the stars for the right response. Then, he looked back at her, right into her eyes.

Stormsstormsstormsstormsstorms

Shallan froze. Desperately, she emptied her pouch of all its Stormlight to ease the panic or whatever it was she was feeling, which was as if a giant hand was squeezing on her windpipe and heart simultaneously. The sensation didn’t let up, but the Stormlight allowed her to hold her breath without trouble. 

She didn’t know what she expected from this meeting, was frankly surprised they had both followed through. Kaladin’s spren seemed to be invested in them for some reason, and Pattern enjoyed the deception inherent in their interactions, so in a way their flirtation seemed to have become a group activity. But was that what this was? Were they flirting? Flirting seemed...less than whatever this was. Flirting didn’t seem like it could cause this reaction in her. 

While Kaladin had been away, Shallan had realized she missed him. When he returned, she felt relief. Fearing their relationship would never be more than furtive glances at meetings or theatrical insults hurled back & forth, the map was born. And he’d come. He was here. He was looking at her. And she couldn’t breathe.

Kaladin’s brow began to furrow in concern. “Shallan? Are you feeling all right? Should I bring us back down?” He reached for her shoulders and held them firmly, trying to get her to meet his gaze, so she squeezed her eyes shut. Still holding her breath through the Stormlight, Shallan shook her head, trying frantically to think what Veil would do. Then, like a visitor patiently waiting for an invitation inside, Veil appeared. 

*****

Kaladin blinked. A second ago, Shallan had seemed to have some sort of panic attack. Now, she met him with a level gaze, and her features seemed...sharper? Had her eyes turned brown? Maybe the light was playing tricks on him.

"Took you long enough," she seemed to mutter to herself. She smiled broadly at Kaladin, resting her hands lightly on his shoulders. "You sure know how to sweep a girl off her feet."

"Shallan?" Kaladin asked carefully. The change had been too abrupt, her cheeks now dry and even-toned. This wasn't just Shallan, she was doing something extra. And she was laughing again. 

"What's she doing?" asked Syl. She walked over to Shallan's face, inspecting it. "Is there something wrong with her face? Maybe you should kiss it and make it better, Kaladin."

So he did.


	3. You Blew Into My Mouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Mmmmm...you are like gemstones to each other," he observed. "Shallan! You have gone dun."

Veil sucked Stormlight from Kaladin. She hadn't meant to, but once their lips touched, she instinctively drew it in, feeling greedy and underfed. Kaladin pulled back sharply, looking both surprised and concerned, but maybe that was just his face. Storming man always had something weighing on him. He pressed his lips to hers again, and this time, Veil felt him recover all the Stormlight she'd just inadvertently stolen, kissing her with a tenderness she honestly hadn't expected. He started to take more of her Stormlight, then more, then more, until even the tiny Lightweaving she'd used on her face started to dissipate, along with Veil herself. 

Curiously, the sensation didn't concern Shallan in the least. It actually felt...wonderful. Veil, usually reluctant to cede control, was content to retreat for the moment. None of this seemed right. Being without Stormlight usually felt like a lesser existence. Veil simply backing off was unheard of. What was happening? And more, why didn't she care? Pattern hummed concern on the back of her havah, dodging the hand Kaladin had just placed there.

"Mmmmm...you are like gemstones to each other," he observed. "Shallan! You have gone dun."

"Mhmm," acknowledged Shallan, running the fingers of her freehand through the hair curling at the nape of Kaladin's neck. For all her insults about his stench, Kaladin didn't actually smell bad. Adolin was always clean. Even at sword practice he somehow still seemed clean, his sweat mingling with cologne. The man she was kissing now tasted sharp like a sea voyage and smelled like the Shattered Plains after a highstorm. His hair was coarse and tangled, and she loved catching her fingers in its snarls. 

Suppressing an urge to steal back her own Stormlight, Shallan reflexively bit Kaladin's lip. Then, knowing he could heal it immediately, she bit harder.

*****

Kaladin's eyes flew open at the unexpected pain. Had Shallan just...bitten him? Twice? And then gone back to kissing him as if nothing had happened? He could never know what went on in her mind. Stormlight healed the cut instantly, maybe even Shallan's own Stormlight, and before long he found himself with eyes shut again, inhaling the fragrance of her impossibly soft skin. How were they able to pass it back and forth like this? Even more strange, he'd expected her to fight back once he started to drain her Stormlight, but she hadn't. Testing, Kaladin slowly pulled every last bit of Stormlight from Shallan, until even the Lightweaving she'd done was gone and he could see her flushed and freckled cheeks as before. 

As he circled both arms around her, her fingers caressing his hair, he was suddenly struck by the strangeness of the picture. Here they were in the dead of night, a darkeyed soldier eight feet off the ground with a Veden lighteyes in his arms, a Veden lighteyes who could make worlds out of thin air, who was trusting in only his Stormlight to keep her aloft. And who was kissing him back. He was pretty sure he couldn't stand Shallan half the time, maybe more, and yet it was clear that something was happening between them, and they were both determined to find out what. 

Though Kaladin knew he could catch her if needed, it felt strange to know that Shallan was unprotected against a fall. So he tried to give back some Stormlight, unintentionally Lashing his hand to the small of her back. He quickly released the Lashing, unsure of whether she had noticed, and tried again, this time accidentally blowing air into her mouth, which she definitely did notice. Why was this so hard?

*****

Shallan got a mouthful of Kaladin's breath. He seemed to be trying to do something, having stuck his hand to the back of her havah and now exhaling a little too energetically into her mouth. She pulled back, thankful for a reason to laugh again.

"You blew into my mouth," she said.

Kaladin Stormblessed, Knight Radiant, temper the size of a highstorm and eyes the color of Shadesmar, looked sheepish. 

"I did," he admitted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this new "property" of Stormlight is the only canon divergence I'm hoping to include in the story. Any other aberrations, come at me please!


	4. You Love Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Storms, he was in love with her. And she was freaking him out.

Storms, those eyes. What was it about them? Shallan knew she wasn't afraid of the bridgeman - in fact, she couldn't remember ever feeling this safe - but the thought of looking into Kaladin’s eyes was...scary. Why? She pushed against an impulse to let Veil take over again, reasoning to herself that a scholarly approach might work: identify the problem, look for causes, observe. Radiant perked up, sensing that she might be useful, but Shallan fought her back. She was the scholar, she could do it. Near tears for some reason, tamping down a desperate desire for someone else to handle it, she lifted her eyes until they locked with Kaladin’s.

*****

"I was trying to give your Stormlight back," Kaladin explained. Shallan seemed to be struggling, focusing hard on something. On him?

"Turns out giving it back isn't as easy as taking it."

"So it would seem." Storms, was she crying? Abruptly, Shallan took Kaladin’s face in both her hands, peering into his eyes. Through her safehand sleeve, he felt her slender fingers mirroring the cool, dry touch of her freehand on his other cheek. Kaladin had plenty of Stormlight to keep them aloft, yet found himself holding tight to her, as if she might tumble down at any moment. Pressed up to her, he noticed she was trembling. 

"Shallan, please take some light back," Kaladin almost begged, softly kissing her lips. She recovered a little, no more than a sip, and he felt the trembling subside. 

"Should we go back down now?" he whispered, surprised at how timid he all of a sudden felt. "It seems like something might be wrong."

Shallan’s gaze was becoming disconcerting. "No, I don't think anything's wrong," she replied.

*****

Kaladin Stormblessed was looking at her, and she, Shallan, only Shallan, was looking back. Staring intently, she observed the man holding her safely in the sky. 

Shallan watched the emotions crossing Kaladin’s face: confusion at her admittedly strange behavior, tenderness as he tried to puzzle out what was wrong, concern at her tears. His arms, firm around her waist, clung to her as if he had accidentally Lashed them there again. 

Storms, he was in love with her. And she was freaking him out. 

*****

“You love me,” Shallan finally said. She was using the Stormlight she’d recovered to hold her breath, letting a faint puff escape with her remark. 

Somewhere close by, Kaladin heard Syl squeal with delight. 

Before Kaladin could react, mist started to form around them. Shallan hastily pulled Kaladin’s face towards her and sucked Stormlight from his lips with surprising speed. The warmth of her lips and the pounding of her heart against his chest caused him to lose himself for a moment, but he pulled away when he felt his Stormlight become dangerously low. When he opened his eyes, Kaladin was stunned to see them surrounded by a place he knew very well. Shallan looked around them, looking just as surprised as he felt. 

“What is this?” she asked.

“My home,” Kaladin whispered. 

*****

They began to float down to the ground, the Lightweaving descending along with them. In Shallan’s excitement, she realized she may have drained too much Stormlight for Kaladin to maintain their altitude. 

They were surrounded by a perfect replica of an Alethi hillside, the details of which she had somehow received from Kaladin as she’d done with Dalinar in the map room. It still wasn’t clear why this could happen - she’d merely sensed something, instinctively reaching for Kaladin to feed the impulse with his - their - Stormlight. 

From the look of it, Kaladin’s memory was of the Weeping, phantom raindrops falling all around them, rockbuds full to bursting on the ground. They stood twenty paces from a house much like the darkeyed cottages she’d seen at home, windows shut to the rain.

Kaladin broke from her, the landscape dissipating and re-forming around his ankles as he explored its contents. Shallan suddenly became aware of her bare feet, and distracted herself by squinting through the Lightweaving to search out where Kaladin had dropped her boots. How long ago had that been? It felt like a million years. She felt like an intruder, guilty for creating such an intimate memory, even if it was by accident. 

“How...did you do this?” Kaladin whispered, almost to himself. Reaching the door of the cottage, he waved his hand through, seeming to hope that it might become solid with his touch. When Stormlight slipped through his fingers, he sank to his knees.

*****

Syl drifted beside Kaladin, her eyes wide.

"I...remember this, Kaladin," she murmured. "It feels like another lifetime, but I remember this place...when it was like this." 

The Lightweaving took up no more space than the balcony where they stood, but Kaladin could almost see the road leading down to the village, the dreary sky that had always seemed to stretch on forever. Not so long ago, he'd been back at Hearthstone, seen his family again, held his new baby brother in his arms. He’d been here. 

But the image of the place he now saw was before oaths, before Voidbringers, before war. The very stone seemed unaware of what was to come. Kaladin could barely remember a time when he hadn't been bracing for a fight, or fighting one, but here it was, feeling like someone else’s memory.

The splash of footfalls echoed behind him. Kaladin spun around to see Tien.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, so I forgot there's another probable canon divergence in that book Shallan probably can't Lightweave images from Kaladin's or Syl's mind, since that ability more likely comes from Dalinar's skills as a Bondsmith.


	5. The Weeping Itself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Devoid of Stormlight to bolster him, the sight of Tien - so small, so unaware of what would come - crushed him like a chasmfiend.

Shallan watched as a small boy entered the illusion of Kaladin’s home, bending down every few steps to inspect a pebble from the ground. Dressed in a hooded tunic and trousers, he exhibited the deep focus only a child can maintain on the most arbitrary of tasks. The boy's mission turned out to be searching for just the right rocks. Shallan studied the child's slight frame, noticing something familiar about the slope of his nose as the rain dripped off it, the way his mouth set when he concentrated. 

She looked to Kaladin, who knelt on the ground and gaped at the illusion. Could this be him as a boy? Shallan was able to channel the Stormfather's perspective through Dalinar - had Kaladin's spren somehow provided the imagery for what they now saw? 

Shallan turned again to the boy. There was something...different about him. His eyes were wide and set farther apart, his hands dexterous with slender fingers. He seemed...too innocent, too full of wonder. Shallan knew well that experiences changed a person, but she still had trouble believing brooding, serious Kaladin had ever been the boy whose glowing figure now stumbled among the rockbuds. A brother maybe?

"Shallan," sounding hoarse, Kaladin broke the silence. "Make it stop, please."

*****

Kaladin sagged, exhaustionspren rippling around him as the illusion retreated towards Shallan, dissipating almost as quickly as it had appeared. Devoid of Stormlight to bolster him, the sight of Tien - so small, so unaware of what would come - crushed him like a chasmfiend. He understood none of it had been real, and yet he had wanted to race over to the boy, take him in his arms and beg for his forgiveness. The realization that his brother would dissolve in the embrace he longed to give was almost more than Kaladin could handle. Young or not, naive or not, he had failed Tien in the most crucial, permanent way. There would be no correcting that loss. 

Why had Shallan taken him back there? And how? 

Shallan knelt down in front of him. He hadn't noticed her approach. She lifted his chin and kissed him softly, then settled back on her heels when he didn’t respond. Kaladin knew she was only offering him Stormlight, but couldn't bring himself to take it. Syl hovered by his shoulder, concerned.

"I'm sorry," Shallan whispered. "I don't know how it happened."

*****

Kaladin looked smaller, as if the Weeping of the illusion had actually soaked him through. She felt she ought to take him in her arms, hold him protectively the way he'd held her tight, but she could only think of kneeling beside her father, singing to him softly as she choked the life from him. Was she even capable of caring for anyone without hurting them? Wasn't she ultimately responsible for showing Kaladin the memory that was hurting him so terribly? Why had they gone there at all?

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't know how it happened."

Kaladin looked at her, eyes filled with...disappointment? Regret? The Weeping itself? Without a word, he rested his forehead against hers and let out a deep, ragged sigh.

*****

Shallan was stronger than Kaladin had expected. With each exhale, he leaned harder and harder on her where their foreheads touched, feeling impossibly heavy. She didn't try to kiss him again or hold him, just pushed back gently against his weight, keeping him upright, the Stormlight that had just been his brother streaming off her skin.

It felt good to lean on someone who could hold him up.


	6. Be Your Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The problems that had always bothered him about getting closer to Shallan seemed small, nearly invisible next to the potential of knowing the woman he'd left barefoot on a balcony, who'd shown him Tien and hadn't asked him to explain.

Shallan didn’t know how much time had passed before she noticed her Stormlight was running low. In some kind of strange communion, they’d knelt with their heads pressed together, holding one another up. The sun was rising. 

“Kaladin,” she whispered. “We should probably go.” She placed her hands on the ground to take back her weight.

In response, he did the same. They broke from one another in silence.

Studying her face, Kaladin reached out and brushed his fingers across her forehead. 

"It says the same thing backwards, right?" he asked. 

"Basically," she replied. “Well, it says something different, but it means the same thing.”

"Nahn Sas," he outlined with a finger, then, reversing the outline, he murmured, "Sas Nahn.” Kaladin grimaced, tracing the shash glyph below the glyph pair without reading it aloud. 

"I wouldn't recommend getting branded, Brightness, it doesn't suit you."

"But what if I'm dangerous?" Shallan challenged, smiling mischievously. Kelek's breath, could she ever let a moment pass without mutating it into a joke? 

Kaladin laughed bitterly. "You're not dangerous."

"Maybe," Shallan ventured, "I am. Lots of other dangerous people go about undetected, why not me?" She reached up and gently touched his brow. "All this means is someone with power was afraid of you."

*****

Kaladin noticed Shallan's lips, pursed in concentration as her freehand traced the glyphs on his forehead. He had half-expected to flinch, or for the sensation of being branded to come flooding back, but all he felt was the numbness of the scars that were left behind, and the gentle brush of Shallan's fingertips. He listened to the whispered exhale of her breath as she studied him, and thought of the softness of her lips when he had kissed them. How long ago had that been? Just a few hours, he knew, but it felt like an age.

Kaladin looked up at the ghostly reflection of his brands, pressed into Shallan's forehead by his own. The red impressions overwhelmed her face, freckles adding further clutter across her cheeks and nose. Her blue eyes, bleary from lack of sleep, still glowed calm and level amid the din. "I've never seen these glyphs on someone else, at least not in a long time. It's like you're wearing my face," he observed, then quickly he stammered, "Don’t, DON’T. Don't do it. Please." The memory of Rock’s head atop her shoulders came rushing back to him - he wasn’t interested in seeing her impression of him, especially not right now.

Shallan started, then chuckled. "Captain Kaladin, I promise you I would never risk being your mirror. You very likely shatter them all with the daggers that are always shooting from your eyes, and I'm terrible at dodging. Besides, I-I...I'm sorry," she abruptly muttered, "I'm sorry." 

Shallan seemed pained, silently chastising herself for the retort, but she was only being herself. A skyeel never scolded itself for flying, why should Shallan blame herself for another half-baked remark? Kaladin was growing accustomed to the barbs she seemed to always have ready. They were rarely clever or funny, but who would she be without them? Quieter, probably. That might be all right. Either way, he found he didn't mind.

*****

Shallan cursed silently, blood rushing to her cheeks. In the time since they'd met on this deserted balcony, she'd felt a small door open inside her. It led to a place she tried to keep hidden always, slamming the door shut with a glib comment or joke every time she sensed the hinges open. But over the past few hours she'd felt a timid and warm part of herself nudging that door, drawn to a similar warmth inside Kaladin. All night, as they knelt together, the warmth crept farther and farther from its confines, like frillblooms peeping out after a storm. It was so hard to let it venture forth, vulnerable as a cremling without a carapace, but something told her it would be all right, she would be safe. If the warmth could reach Kaladin, he would keep it safe.

She shouldn't have been surprised when finally her frantic impulses won out, and she'd made some dumb comment. Again. Instantly the warmth retreated back to its prison, just in time for her to lock it away. Storms, she felt like crying. Kaladin was going to think it was all a game to her. How could she explain?

"It's all right," Kaladin said lightly, resting his forehead on hers once more, "no further apologies are necessary." With a brief kiss he took some Stormlight from her and rose to standing, offering her a hand up. He strode over to where Shallan's boots lay, gathering them under his arm. "These will do for a while."

Then, he Lashed himself into the air.

*****

Shallan looked bewildered as she shrank from Kaladin’s view. Syl zipped around him as he rose, then kept pace with his shoulder in the form of a young woman. 

"Kaladin," she said, "I don't understand what's going on with you and Shallan." 

"Me either," Kaladin replied, disoriented by his own swagger. Had he really just taken her boots and abandoned her down there? Was he being...playful? Had he ever in his life? He didn't mean any more harm than Shallan meant all the rude things she said to him, and for the first time he paused to consider that all her teasing may have been a warped display of affection. 

"She said you love her," Syl said.

"I remember."

"Well, do you?" she prodded, hovering in front of his nose as he ducked into a window a few levels up.

Kaladin pondered the question. He didn't feel defensive or embarrassed, as he usually did when Syl brought up Shallan, nor was he troubled by her relationship - present and future - with Adolin. All of a sudden, the problems that had always bothered him about getting closer to Shallan seemed small, nearly invisible next to the potential of knowing the woman he'd left barefoot on a balcony, who'd shown him Tien and hadn't asked him to explain. A woman who, for a little longer at least, would have the mirror image of his brands on her forehead. 

"I do," he finally responded. "But she loves me too."

*****

“Shallan,” buzzed Pattern, “Do you require comforting? There there. There there. Does it work?”

Shallan used the last of her Stormlight to Lightweave the disguise of a darkeyed workman, complete with shoes. She felt dazed, hungover, but didn’t have enough Stormlight to ease the feeling and maintain her illusion. The stone floors of Urithiru were cold and rough on her bare feet as she made her way back to her rooms, Pattern running along the walls beside her and humming to fill the silence. When Shallan finally arrived back, she found the map she had given Kaladin, re-folded carefully and placed on her desk. The balcony was circled, alongside a crude scrawl of what she finally determined was a boot. Tonight, then. She crawled into bed. Inside her chest, something glowed warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s Part One! Thanks so much for taking time to read. I’m not sure when The next part will be ready but there’s a lot more to cover.
> 
> Thanks to kindleln on tumblr for helping me get my glyph pair facts straight!


End file.
